Ever stopped and thought, "Man, I FEEL old!!!" I'm not talking physically either. Although, the aging process does tend to suck at times. I'm referring to our mentality. Like, not a whole lot bothers you, you're much more laid back, and just over all wiser. You can actually say that "I've done that, and that, my friend, was stupid. Don't ever do it." I am literally, seeing, feeling and understanding the changes as I age. (I've mentioned a trillion times that I am very sensitive to even the slightest change in body and mind.)
I often times wonder how I am going to be when I get older. I'm talking about "wearing Depends- older. Am I going to be a cranky-ass, old fart, who on occasion, wets herself and is in total denial of it? Or am I going to be the sweet, old, lady who waddles around with a plate full of freshly, baked, "goodies" and force them down peoples throats as my good deed for the day, and knit just for the hell of it? ( I work at a retirement facility, and these characters are very true. )
I also cannot wait for my 30's. I personally think that I will ROCK in my 30's. I will start my family in my 30's, start my career in my 30's, and most importantly - look and feel comfortable with myself...IN MY 30's!
My 20's have been very, hmmmm....awkward for me. I haven't found my place yet. I'm trying new things, I'm developing a taste and dislike for things, people don't take you seriously even though you're considered an adult, I'm back and forth with so-so friendships, and I just suck at being 20. I've noticed that it tends to skip decades with me. The only other time I've felt like this was in my Pre-teen stage - ages 11 - 13. I wouldn't even blame that on puberty, I was just a lost and awkward child.
Aging has never been an issue with me. I'm not one of those prissy bitches who freak when a gray hair pops out. (I've had 3 so far!) Or a line underneath your eye that is permanently there. I think it's all fascinating and can't believe that I'm going through all this.
I think it's kinda....cool?
:)
Thursday, November 18, 2010
Sunday, June 6, 2010
Grocery List.
I need to put things back into motion. I need to start exercising my mind so that the motion will go smoother. Less freak outs, less stress, more calm.
TO DO LIST-
Make Goals: Literally write, or in my case, type down these goals, and keep a daily journal as to what you are doing in the present to make these goals happen. Later on, before you know it, when you re-read old entries, you will literally see the change.
Meditate: I used to take a walk every morning by myself just around the neighborhood. I would take in EVERYTHING. It was soooo relaxing. I would notice the small things too, like how everything is perfect in it's own way, nature, and just reflect on life. I need to make this a habit again.
You are what you eat: THIS IS A MUST, not much to say about this that I already don't know.
Pick up a book: I will say this - I've found a new love for reading, I just need to do it more often.
Exercise: This year alone I've been WAY more active and have literally SEEN the results which is good because I was the type of person that I would be on a good run for like say a week, and wouldn't see results right away and just say fuck it. My sister, Tara really helped me out with this. :) She told me the "steps" that I would go through. The last thing we talked about was about results. She told me that YOU won't see it first, others will and she was TOTALLY right. I've been slacking this week due to a total shift change, but I can't let that be such an easy excuse to turn to. I have to WORK around MY SCHEDULES. (Does that make sense?)
Surround yourself with GOOD people: Now THIS is going to be hard. I grew up having a lot of friends, I would have considered myself "popular" at one point. ( Not that it mattered) Now a days, I'm a loner by choice. Some days it's frustrating because I have no one to talk to. (Which is why THIS is a HUGE help) I've become somewhat of a hermit crab, so much that others have noticed and called me out on. I appreciate the friends that DO understand the way I am. We all live different lives, life, itself, is a lot to take in. If we don't speak for a month, that doesn't mean I'm mad at you. I just need to breathe. We can pick up where we left off. There are some that I just distance myself from due to the fact that I don't want to succumb to their lifestyle. I can't kick it 24/7, I don't have the desire/time/money for that. And I don't want to be someone else' crutch. I want those people to understand that they are in those predicaments because they chose that. I want them to quit playing the victim and finally own up. I don't want to be that person and certainly don't want to be around a person like that either. That sounds harsh, but that's life.
( I guess I really am growing up.)
TO DO LIST-
Make Goals: Literally write, or in my case, type down these goals, and keep a daily journal as to what you are doing in the present to make these goals happen. Later on, before you know it, when you re-read old entries, you will literally see the change.
Meditate: I used to take a walk every morning by myself just around the neighborhood. I would take in EVERYTHING. It was soooo relaxing. I would notice the small things too, like how everything is perfect in it's own way, nature, and just reflect on life. I need to make this a habit again.
You are what you eat: THIS IS A MUST, not much to say about this that I already don't know.
Pick up a book: I will say this - I've found a new love for reading, I just need to do it more often.
Exercise: This year alone I've been WAY more active and have literally SEEN the results which is good because I was the type of person that I would be on a good run for like say a week, and wouldn't see results right away and just say fuck it. My sister, Tara really helped me out with this. :) She told me the "steps" that I would go through. The last thing we talked about was about results. She told me that YOU won't see it first, others will and she was TOTALLY right. I've been slacking this week due to a total shift change, but I can't let that be such an easy excuse to turn to. I have to WORK around MY SCHEDULES. (Does that make sense?)
Surround yourself with GOOD people: Now THIS is going to be hard. I grew up having a lot of friends, I would have considered myself "popular" at one point. ( Not that it mattered) Now a days, I'm a loner by choice. Some days it's frustrating because I have no one to talk to. (Which is why THIS is a HUGE help) I've become somewhat of a hermit crab, so much that others have noticed and called me out on. I appreciate the friends that DO understand the way I am. We all live different lives, life, itself, is a lot to take in. If we don't speak for a month, that doesn't mean I'm mad at you. I just need to breathe. We can pick up where we left off. There are some that I just distance myself from due to the fact that I don't want to succumb to their lifestyle. I can't kick it 24/7, I don't have the desire/time/money for that. And I don't want to be someone else' crutch. I want those people to understand that they are in those predicaments because they chose that. I want them to quit playing the victim and finally own up. I don't want to be that person and certainly don't want to be around a person like that either. That sounds harsh, but that's life.
( I guess I really am growing up.)
Intervals.
They say two negatives make a positive and I strongly believe in this. One example, being my parents. (I love them to DEATH, just let me make my point, thanks.) Mom: High strung, High stress levels, Temper, temper TEMPER!!! + Dad: Depressed, laid back, usually quite until buttons are pushed then KA-POW! = ME: A depressed mess who isolates herself, but when under high levels of stress can freak the fuck out, but can calm myself down just as quick. Here's the topper- I am fully aware of these mood changes and once aware, can snap out of it. Some would call that bi-polar or other things. I call that the best of both worlds. I am the EXACT mirror of my parents. So, with that being sad, I have the power to change that in an instant.
What I'm getting to is that I'm fine, for now that is. "A positive attitude leads to a positive outcome." Although, the world may seem to crumble around me, I just have to remind myself that I'm made with the best stuff on earth, ( Not Snapple, although that sounds yummy right now) and it's going to take a lot more to tear me apart. I'm my own worst enemy and I've come for the fight.
What I'm getting to is that I'm fine, for now that is. "A positive attitude leads to a positive outcome." Although, the world may seem to crumble around me, I just have to remind myself that I'm made with the best stuff on earth, ( Not Snapple, although that sounds yummy right now) and it's going to take a lot more to tear me apart. I'm my own worst enemy and I've come for the fight.
Thursday, May 27, 2010
Situations are critical...
I woke up this morning pretty late, but not late enough to make me late to work. Usually, I'd freak out because I'm a very time oriented person and one slip can ruin the whole day for me. (Yes, I'm one of THOSE people, super anal about shit ((LOL)). But not today. Today, followed by last night, is going to be a good day. (I hope so anyways.)
Every one of us has some sort of breaking point. Some, more than others, have high tolerance levels, and then we have some who are just so fragile, you just want to cringe. And then you have people like me, who are all over the place at the same time, is aware that we are, but can't do a thing about that. It sucks, most days but eh, that's life and God chose this one for me. It's my job to figure out why and work with it.
I have a very dear friend, who's life is like walking on eggshells. Every action is an impact and can effect her reactions ten times as much we absorb the minimum. We're kinda back and forth with this tug of war and it's an absolute mystery to me. Rather than being her friend, I feel like I need to be the coach or the Dr. or the detective to figure out WHAT in the world has triggered this.
She's been through this before and I was there 24/7. I never did figure out why it happened. It took about 6 mo. of total chaos for her to pass through this and one day, she was just normal again, no questions asked. 4 years have passed since then, and though we aren't close anymore, she calls again for support.
I will do my very best to help. But how can I help someone when I can't even help myself? Maybe it truly is reverse psychology. By helping her, I can heal myself? Who knows. I don't and don't think I ever will.
Every one of us has some sort of breaking point. Some, more than others, have high tolerance levels, and then we have some who are just so fragile, you just want to cringe. And then you have people like me, who are all over the place at the same time, is aware that we are, but can't do a thing about that. It sucks, most days but eh, that's life and God chose this one for me. It's my job to figure out why and work with it.
I have a very dear friend, who's life is like walking on eggshells. Every action is an impact and can effect her reactions ten times as much we absorb the minimum. We're kinda back and forth with this tug of war and it's an absolute mystery to me. Rather than being her friend, I feel like I need to be the coach or the Dr. or the detective to figure out WHAT in the world has triggered this.
She's been through this before and I was there 24/7. I never did figure out why it happened. It took about 6 mo. of total chaos for her to pass through this and one day, she was just normal again, no questions asked. 4 years have passed since then, and though we aren't close anymore, she calls again for support.
I will do my very best to help. But how can I help someone when I can't even help myself? Maybe it truly is reverse psychology. By helping her, I can heal myself? Who knows. I don't and don't think I ever will.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)